This is an excerpt from my book ” American Medium” “Not Gonna Die Today” which chronicles a profound clairvoyant vision that occurred in the Fall of 1974 in the city of Palos Verdes, California in our new home. It was to be a fresh start for our family in a new neighborhood but months after moving in strange things began to occur in the house, my stigmata was at its most acute and the visions that I had tried so hard to suppress began to override my will and commandeer my life.
Fall 1974
It was 1974 and we were in our new home in Palos Verdes in sunny Southern California. This was the first new home that we would live in. Four bedrooms and three baths and a huge backyard that overlooked the canyons and ocean. Our home was set in a cul de sac at the bottom of a very steep hill. Another steep hill emptied out in front of our home. Needless to say the walk to the bus stop or anywhere else would be hell on earth. On move in day we were picking our rooms and unpacking and I happened to walk into the living room and saw the chandelier swinging back and forth. It was summer-hot as hell and no breeze. But the house was new so I thought there couldn’t be anything there. It was in the middle of nowhere-and close to the sea which made me feel safe. I was so wrong.
Fall came quickly and my mother joined a few ladies groups to make new friends. I knew it wouldn’t last because she was difficult and domineering and she would leave if anyone challenged her. She had planned an All Saints Day luncheon and some of the ladies would be coming by. The minute she told me about her plans I got the sick feeling that I usually get when something bad is going to happen or evil is around. I felt as though I was leaving my body. I said to my mom directly ” You can’t have those ladies over to the house”, ” Something bad is going to happen”. My mom gave me one of her glares. My mom terrified me but I persisted. I started to grab her nurse’s uniform and say “No” over and over again. She said “what is the matter with you?” “Why are you like this?” and then her famous “why can’t you be like your sister?”. I stood in the kitchen and did what I always did when my family didn’t listen. I started to get angry and lose my temper. I stormed out of the house and stayed outside most of the day. My hands were bleeding a lot that day and that usually meant something was going to happen. During the school week I wore large Band-Aids to cover the wounds. People would sometimes ask and I would always say that I had fallen. But when the visions came the bleeding became worse. It felt like my hands were burning. My arms were burning. It lasted for days and sometimes weeks. Mom never took me to the doctor so it wasn’t addressed until I was eighteen and could find my way to a doctor in West Haven, Connecticut who would put me in touch with a priest who identified it as stigmata. It persists to this day.
The day of the party came and I had not spoken to my mother in four days. This was a common pattern after one of my visions or something would happen in the house. My mother began laying out the buffet on the dining room table. Arranging flowers. I asked if could help. She said I could if I wanted to. I began to cry and I hugged my mother. She pushed me away. I said please don’t do this. Please. She began to laugh and my sister and my brother began to tease me. I turned around and grabbed my school bag and said I was going to the library. On my way out I yelled ” You are all fool’s”. I’m certain no one heard. Even when I yell my voice is soft. The library was where I usually went on the weekend because it was just easier to be alone. Camping out at the library was my greatest coping mechanism. But tons of ghosts also have that idea. That day I didn’t go to the library though, instead I hung out at the small grassy park just up the street from the house to keep watch. I wasn’t sure what I was feeling but I felt something was going to happen to the house. The feelings and visions I was getting were that someone was going to get hurt really bad. How this would happen I didn’t know. I sat under a tree at the park and watched the house. This knowing business was something that I came to rely upon. I never ignored it because it was never wrong. But sometimes it could be very generalized, even though there was an urgency to the feelings. I thought maybe I had misjudged this situation and that maybe it had to do with another home. I sat and waited. It became late afternoon and all was quiet. Maybe I was wrong. Just then I heard what sounded like thunder. Something roared down behind me. I looked to my left side and saw a very long cement truck loaded to the gills flash by me and headed for our home. I began to run toward the house and then I saw the truck slam into our dining room area where the party was being held. As I approached the house I heard our dog Pippin yelp and then bark loudly. I ran along the side yard and saw that the front of the truck was dangling off the edge of the canyon. The driver was bleeding. The neighbors came out to help. I was screaming for my mother and my sisters and brother. Dad was on a business trip or “hiding”. I didn’t know what to do.
My mother and my siblings were not badly hurt, just a little shaken. Meredith Cowley however had her back crushed by the impact and another woman whose name I can’t recall had broken her leg and foot. Our dog had broken ribs and leg. The driver had a concussion and had broken his wrist and a few ribs. The cement trucks brakes gave out on the steep grade of our street. At least that’s what we were told. I wasn’t buying it, even at ten years old. I felt that something or someone was looking out for my ass. But who? What were the odds I thought? I felt scared after this because it seemed that we kept having issues in our homes and I thought I was causing it. We would move to a rental down in San Pedro for 6 months while our new home was made new again. This would be a very happy and carefree time for me as we were in a community with lots of kids and a huge park next door. I was rarely home. I made a lifetime friend, Cristal Golden, who made me laugh at myself and taught me how to ride waves. This was the year I found my first surfboard and taught myself how to surf. I felt really grounded. I did not experience any further visions or paranormal experiences during this time until we moved back to our home in Palos Verdes. While we were away people had helped themselves to some of our belongings and the energy of the once new home felt different. It felt like other people had been in there. I also noticed that I felt as though I was being watched, which was a new feeling for me. Who the hell was watching me? Or what? I vowed to not talk about my visions anymore. My mother only mentioned the incident to me once and said “Lucky guess girl”. It wasn’t a guess. I was tuning into things that hadn’t hit the earth yet. I knew that even then. I also knew that in this family in order to keep my mom balanced I needed to disappear and I did. It was time I drew my own shadow.
