This is a chapter from my book “American Medium” entitled “Johanna”. It chronicles an event in my life that would be the beginning of a lifelong haunting by a woman named “Johanna” that occurred on a dark and rainy night in Santa Barbara, California. Once again our family would be touched by a tragic death and I would be a witness to this horrifying accident. I have come to accept that this woman will most likely always be a part of any home that I live in and with me for the duration of my life. She is one of the most consistent spirits in my life here on Earth.
Fall 1971
We had just moved into our new home in Santa Barbara, California. This home was actually nicer than I had expected it to be. It was a large ranch style home with five bedrooms and “breezeway” through the front entrance. My room was in the front of the house and had two windows. It was bright and airy and I didn’t feel or see anything as I had in all of our other homes. Even though we had left Maine and I was homesick I was excited about our neighborhood and new school. No ghosts here I thought.
Within two weeks of our arrival my sister Judith fell ill. She started having a lot of problems with her asthma and was hospitalized for a few days. She had multiple health problems and I worried that she wouldn’t live long. I always took care of her when she was sick and sometimes got angry with God at the injustice of it all. At times she literally could not breathe. I felt so helpless. My sister was my best friend, my protector even though I was the oldest. The world scared me and she was fearless. I thought if she goes then I want to leave with her.
The doctors had finally agreed to let my sister come home for the holidays. She was doing better on her new medication. My brother and I painted a welcome home banner and I made cupcakes. I was the closest to my sister than anyone in the family. She always accepted me. She was my rock. When she arrived home we were all so happy. Even though we missed our Halloween together I had saved all of my trick or treating candy for her. Our celebration was short-lived though as within a few hours of being home Judith began feeling unwell and was back on her breathing machine. My mother, who was a nurse, called her doctor and he prescribed another medication for my sister. Something didn’t feel right about all of this because she had always had asthma. I thought there might be something else wrong. I asked my mother “What is going on with Judith?”. “Tell me”. My mom gave me a sharp glare and said ” I will talk to you about it later, but you probably already know anyways girl”. I did know, but I wanted to hear my mother say the words. I felt that my sister might be dying, I knew she was. I didn’t want to live on the planet without her. I wouldn’t live here without her.
I went into my sisters room and laid down next to her, hugging her tight. My mother came into her room. She tapped me on the shoulder and said “Get up girl, I need you to come to the pharmacy with me”. My mother always called me “girl“, why I don’t know, but she never called me Kate. I said “Why don’t you just have it delivered?”, “It’s raining hard outside, thundering and lightening”. She said “Put your damn jacket on and move it-NOW”. I wasn’t getting one of my feelings necessarily but more a sense that we were going against something and should stay home. But we didn’t.
I jumped in our station wagon and we pulled out of the driveway. This is when my stomach dropped. I knew this was not okay. Something was wrong here. I felt as thought time was speeding up. I was too afraid of my mother to say anything so I just clung to my seatbelt and prayed that it was just anxiety and not some other force at work.
The drive was only about ten minutes to the pharmacy. It was right off State Street. As we approached the parking lot I breathed a sign of relief. My mother parked the car and left it running and left me inside with the warm air enveloping me. I looked out the window and saw millions of rain droplets cover the car window. I began to feel this mysterious sense of peace and oneness. I felt as though I could leave my body. The night was so beautiful and eerie. I loved the nighttime. It was when I came alive. Just then I heard the car door open and my mother sit down with all of her rushing energy. She said “I didn’t have to wait at all, I got Judith’s medicine”. I smiled and held the pharmacy bag for my mom. She said ” I rely on you girl. You are my right hand”. What?? A compliment! I took it and said “Let’s get home to Judith”. My mom pulled out of the parking lot on the main street and started to accelerate. All the lights were green as we headed down towards the Interstate. As we approached the street before the beach I saw a black figure run in front of the car. My mom slammed on the brakes and then another slam and a thud and then a woman landed on top of our car. Pieces of glass splayed everywhere. Her head had crashed through the windshield and landed in my lap. Eyes dead.
Screaming bloody murder I started to push myself out of the seatbelt. My mom put her arms underneath me and pulled me out of the car. I had blood all over my shirt and jeans. I felt glass in my arms and face. Glass falling out of the car. My mom said “Don’t move girl, stay still”. I forced myself to look at the hood of the car and saw a woman, in a black raincoat laying headfirst in the windshield. I looked back and saw my mother shaking. She began to cry. I had NEVER seen my mother cry before. I put my arms around her and she didn’t push me away. The rain started to come down hard. We stood in the street with the lights twinkling and time stood still. Mom said look away and I did. I buried my head in her raincoat. More death. More dying. More chaos.
A few minutes would pass that seemed like years. I looked down the street and saw the flashing lights and heard the sirens. I felt a sense of relief when I saw the police since my father had been a cop it was an immediate comfort. I tried not to cry because it made my mom jumpy but the tears started flowing. I started to feel sick to my stomach and ran into the alley to throw up. I stood up and turned around really fast because I saw what looked like a dark human figure move very fast in front of me on all fours. It looked exactly like the woman we had just hit. But she was still on the car.
The fire department showed up along with the coroner and more police officers. We had hurt someone. Again. Her name was Johanna R. She was eighty-four years old and had run away from her assisted living facility. She had dementia is what I overheard the police say to my mother. They had been looking for her all day. I knew in my heart that my mother was not going to be okay after this. I started to get the feeling that we were cursed. First the home invasion and now this. I was used to being scared on a daily basis because of the ghosts but mother did not like chaos. I also started to feel as though it was my fault that these horrible things were happening because to my knowledge they had never happened in our family before I showed up.
After the paramedics checked us out and removed most of the glass slivers from my face the police brought us home and the towing company took the car to the shop. My dad talked to the police and I went with my mother to take care of Judith. My mom was trembling. I was bleeding. My mom started to cry. She kept saying “It was an accident, it was an accident”. It was an accident, except we should not have gone out. It became very late, we were all in shock and my father said we should all turn in and we could figure it out in the morning. I went to check on my sister and my brother. I heard my mother crying in her room and my father was saying “It wasn’t your fault”. I peeked into their room and I saw my mother curled up in a ball, sobbing with dozens of tissues scattered all around her. I began to pray. I wondered why I was so outwardly calm. I didn’t feel like strength. Just numbness.
I got into the shower and stood there for almost an hour. I turned the water on to the hottest temperature that I could stand. I knew I still had glass in my face, tiny slivers and shards that would take days and weeks to process out. The hot water stung all of the cuts I had on my face and arms but it felt good. I washed my hair and brushed my teeth, put on my P J’s and grabbed my books, my flashlight and crawled into bed. Dad came in to tuck me in. He said “Are you okay?”. I said “No, but I will be”. I curled up as tight as I could. My father sat on my beanbag chair and stayed with me telling me corny jokes until I fell into a deep sleep. Dad was the best person at calming everything down. You almost had to go to sleep to stop him telling corny jokes.
An hour later I awoke to what I thought was my name being called. I heard “Kateeeeeeee“, in this creepy voice. I said back “What?!!!”. Silence. I got up and made sure that everyone was asleep. I walked into my parents room. They were fast asleep. I kissed my mom on the forehead and went to the kitchen to look for chocolate. I heard my name called again “Kate“. This had happened so many times in my life that it didn’t really scare me but I scuttled back to my room with a dish of chocolate ice cream more annoyed than afraid. I fell back asleep for what seemed like minutes when I heard my name called again. I looked around my room which was now freezing. I started to feel as though something was touching me on my feet and my ankles. I moved back away from the edge of the bed. Suddenly something grabbed my ankles and started to pull me up in the air. I thought maybe it was my dad but there was no one there. I tried to scream but no sound was coming out. I was not dreaming because what had a hold of my ankles was squeezing them so hard I could feel and hear my bones cracking. I then saw the same dark thin shadow that I saw at the accident move around my room. I forced myself to scream as loud as I could. I was abruptly dropped on my head. My parents came running into my room. I was hysterical. My dad said ” You were in the air”. I said “You saw me?”. I told my dad that there was a ghost in my room. I told him that it was Johanna, the woman from the accident. I knew it was her. This house was clear and stable. God Damnit it was Johanna. My dad became enraged ” Keep your fucking hands off my daughter!!!” he screamed. I had never heard my father swear before. My mom looked at my ankles and they had finger marks around them and were bruising. We put ice packs on my ankles and mom said we were staying home for a few days. She kept calling it our “cooling off period”. In my mind this house was now what I would call contaminated and my anxiety returned.
That night I slept between my parents with a Rosary and a small chaplet. For the next few days things remained calm. I told my mom I wanted to sleep in the car which was an old habit from my days in Maine when the ghosts became too invasive. Mom then said “I will have Father Christopher come and say prayers in the house and things will be okay. I loved my mom so much at this moment. We were in Hell but sticking together as a family. I eventually found the strength to sleep in my own room. No further attacks happened after the initial night of the accident. But my guard was way the hell up.
In the aftermath of the accident Johanna’s family sued my mother. The case was settled out of court. Back then it was scandalous and I could see that my mother was coming apart at the seams. My mother went to Wellesley, she had been a debutante and was Charge Nurse at our local hospital. This type of experience didn’t happen to people like her. But it did. My mother had some intense karma. Sometimes I felt like I was supposed to be near her to either witness it or help her. Whatever it was we shared flanking profound experiences that would shake both of us and shatter my mother’s already fragile essence.
My grandmother stepped in with her attorney and came to the rescue. There were no criminal charges filed against my mother as it was ruled an accident. She did after all run in front of our moving car. At the time I hated Johanna because I knew she deliberately ran in front of the car to die but was too young to understand her mental state and the full scope of what had happened. This incident changed the way I felt about ghosts. My anger towards her still remains to this day as she has followed me for nearly fifty years and is resistant to any religious or spiritual intervention. She did not only cause me to internalize the fear within me but my mother became a shell of a human being after this incident. It broke her. I wasn’t sure if the Universe was at work here because everything needed to align in such a way that our paths would cross. I never pulled an “I told you so” towards my mom because I knew she wanted to get the medication right way and they didn’t deliver past 10 pm. I think Johanna would have run into someone else’s car if we hadn’t been there.
We would not stay in this home very much longer as my mother wanted to live in a more exclusive neighborhood. She was again in moving mode. I never really unpacked my things because I sensed we would be on the move again. The first night in our new home I saw Johanna in the living room as I walked to my new room at bedtime. I stood there frozen as our eyes met. Same long hair and black jacket. Drenched in water. I watched her as she then turned around and walked into the brick fireplace and then vanished into thin air. The most recent incident that I had with Johanna was in August of 2021. I can tell when she is trying to communicate with me. I heard her moaning and crying as I was trying to fall asleep one night. I got up out of bed and walked into the family room and saw her standing in the kitchen. Black jacket, long hair and her ominous presence. Sometimes she looks directly at me, other times she is looking downward and her silhouette is vibrating. I turned around and went back to bed. I have tried many times helping her cross over. But she is resistant. I think she may be beyond spiritual assistance.
My sister Judith would soon be diagnosed with leukemia formally two months after this incident. She was quite ill for a few years until God took her. Death would touch me one more time before leaving the Central Coast for Palos Verdes. I started to understand that strange events would be part of my life and at a very young age I would begin to try and stabilize myself but Never ignoring my intuition even if it caused controversy. This experience brought forth a toughness and resilience that remains today in my being. Those close to death can move toward me when their lives are ending and I am careful when that process is starting to unfold. I can sense death before it happens. I now understand it is somewhat common with mediums. I am fairly certain I will see Johanna again. Maybe she will leave this Earth when I do.
